there is nothing like your love.

poison and wine

2012-01-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

2012

2012-01-02T22:56:00.000-08:00

happy new year people :D its ze year we are all going to die, bring it babeh(: well i dont actually believe we're gonna die this year. looking forward to doing more in life, figuring out the right paths to take, grow up, be adults and have a family. not so sure about global warming tho :/ fingers crossed our earth can last another 100 years :DD

holidays are over so soon. it was alright.. been having many adventures with mom and sibs(: Christmas party and Christmas eve celebration passed, it was alright i guess. feels different though. not sure why, it just felt different. part of growing up perhaps? had diarrhea the other day and lost 2kg XD but of course i gained them back after a few days, sigh XD i dont wanna ever have diarrhea again, EVER. not safe to do anything, especially farting.. XD hmm have been listening to Coldplay lately. they're pretty awesome. the way they present a song, the lyrics, the arrangement, everything is just amazing. Chris Martin and Gwyneth make an awesome couple too:D i hope they dont ever ever break up:(

2011 has been a crazy year. so many challenges which mostly i failed to accomplish. been a big ass failure. it has been the worse year for me. although, there are many memories made.. good and bad. i realized i lost my shyness this year. i no longer struggle as much as before when i talk to people. i also realized i've lost alot of connections with friends.. something must be really wrong with me and i wanna change real bad. sometimes i have the fire in me to go out and be better, but most of the time it just burns out. anyways this year is actually fun. lots of laughter and joy but then again the same amount of disappointments and sadness. i dont know whether ive grown, or whether im back at square one. it feels like im back at square one with a few lessons learned. resolution for this year? same as last years.

am actually excited for school haha. alrighty until then(:
happy schooling people:D

green eyes

2011-12-09T08:02:00.000-08:00

november

2011-11-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

its almost end of the year now. gee time flies its frustrating :/ this year has sucked.. so many screw ups and mistakes. so many things lost, where it went, i dont know but im trying my best to find it.

ive missed out alot. so many memories could have been made. connections lost, just like that. it must be me cause the whole world is putting effort while i dont feel like im putting in any. feeling pathetic, stupid, ignorant and really really stupid actually. sometimes i dont think i make use of my brain. this is the first time in my life where i have gone off track for so long and so far. i dont know how all of this started.. i used to be really stable, always on track. i know its deep inside me, its all in us. everyone has it. just gotta stir it up, make use of it. thats the hard part. it always seems so hopeless and dark. at the end of the day though, God will be there.. stupid satan i hate you go get a freakin life -.-

siiiiiiiiggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh christmas is near. usually im always excited and all chrismassy
well this years different :/

im sorry for being disconnected with everyone especially the ones that care for me the most. ive been a rock to you guys its like you guys are actually talking to a rock. im really sorry.

need to wake up things will get better
merry christmas

2011-11-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

remember september it rhymes

2011-09-04T03:23:00.000-07:00

one week of hols is coming to an end, bummer. that was fast :/

kakak went back to indon already and i really miss her. mom and me sent her off at inanam wednesday morning. she was already crying when she said her goodbyes to my grandparents. she plays a big part in my family. she has been with us for as long as i can remember. basically, she raised me and my sibs up. we're so blessed to have found her, having her being in our lives. there will never be another kakak like her. we might not be able to look for another kakak any soon, but dont bother cos no one can replace my kakak. haha much easier said than done cos there are tons of chores to be done around the house. worst still, me and tim have school while nini's working her butt off. mom and dad as well. oh well, we can do this :D

we had retreat for 3 days and 2 nights at Kudat on the 1st day of the month. and it was great(: the beachside was awesome. its really clean and the white sand was warm. we all had fun playing with the waves. lotsa jellyfishies got swept up the shore, dead and gooey XD you can actually touch them, and no it didnt sting as i thought it would. most of them were crucified...with a big long stick:( oh well life goes on XD went up to the tip of borneo after that and took photos. came back and went cycling. to cut the long story short, i crashed and burn when riding down a hill cos i didnt push my brakes. it didnt hurt, it was actually kinda funny XD glad there werent any cars passing by that time. had bbq afterwards and bonfire by the beach. the night sky was filled with stars.

i need to get back up again. find my way back to the path that im supposed to be on. feeling so useless all the time with no direction. really really pathetic

anyways enjoy school for the next 3 months
its almost the end of the year by the way wow

just a feeling

2011-08-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

its august already:\ i realized every single time i blog, the fact how time flies so fast is mentioned over and over again. im getting really bored of it

sigghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh exams in a week or so..not confident at all. i dont wanna let people down no more. must study extra extra hard. haven't been blogging in a while.. hmm updates?

JAM is coming up on the 20th this month! its gonna be grand:D first time having JAM in the main audi. be sure to come if you can(: 7.30pm to 9.30pm, Glory Christian Centre. tickets are rm5. they will be selling them on that day as well. i hope someone sees this post..if you are, please come!!!!! XD

so bubbie is infected with kutu and the kutu are gonna take over the whole house soon, no kidding. my kakak's having trouble sleeping at night cos the kutu crawled up to her bed and she got lotsa bites. im sleeping on the top bed of our double deck so, im safe. but this has to stop!!!! MUST EVACUATE THEM FLEAS

tim's birthday is this monday(: cant believe he's 14 already lol. but still he's our menace and he will always be XD HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOOOOOOB :P

bahhhh thats all for now
all the best to anybody whose going thru them exams/excels/hard times/pooping
you can do it

Laura Story - Blessings

2011-08-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

The Script - Talk You Down (If You Go I Go)

2011-07-25T02:49:00.000-07:00

the official music video can't be played here, but its fine in youtube.

please check it out, its really sad :(

fgjfgj

I can feel the colour running
As it's fading from my face
Try to speak but nothings coming
Nothing I could say that'll make you stay
Grabbed your suitcase called a taxi
It's 3am now where you gonna go?
Gonna stay with friends in London
And that's all I get to know

Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't' be that far
So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is relationship suicide

Cos if you go, I go...

Taking shortcuts through the alleys
While your racing through my mind
Cops can chase but they wont catch me
Not before I get to speak my mind
If there's still time

Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can talk you down

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is Relationship suicide

Cos if you go, I go...
Cos if you go, I go...
Cos if you go, I go...
Cos if you go, I go...

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head

Just a cigarette gone
No you couldn't be that far
So I'm driving in my car where I hope you are
Maybe I can talk you down
Maybe I can turn around

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
and try to open up your eyes
This is Relationship suicide

happy hols

2011-06-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

its june already. we're already in the middle of 2011. this is too unreal. it really scares me how fast time flies. christmas was just like yesterday. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh i am so very lazy to blog i got nothing to say but its just something i have to do XD kinda lost the urge to blog. last time, i remember being in school, interesting things happened and i was so excited to get home just to blog haha.

so its the holidays and so far im enjoying my hols. i dont feel as wasted as before, thank God. trying to keep myself occupied to avoid wasted-ness. went out with shanice last friday and bought sucky earphones, regret much. rm10 gone to waste. the sound is kinda muffled though still usable but it gives me headaches so ya, screw them :| gonna continue earphone hunting. watched kungfu panda 2 the day after and hands down the funniest animated movie ever(: po is too lovable :3 really really good movie. pirates of the caribbean was awesome as well although the third one was better. but the fact that Johnny Depp is Captain Jack Sparrow, it already is good enough. we actually wanted to watch fast 5 but couldn't cos under 18. didnt know suria was so strict. luckily pirates was playing around that time so weeee :D MUST WATCH FAST 5 THOUGH

met up with kiekie today and it was fun haha(: havent seen him in a long time. piano exam in 8 days omg i am still lack of practice. my sight reading sucks, scales errrrr ok i guess, arpeggios need luck, pieces not so:| nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i am not gonna fail. pocket god is kinda fun cos you get to torcher your little pygmies on a deserted island where you are in total control haha. so cruel but fun plus the graphics are cute and they make cute little sounds XD go play! they have it in facebook haha. its gets boring sometimes cos you need devotion points but it takes time to generate once you finish yours so yeaaaah. thats kinda what i do during my spare time. how very productive... XMEN is coming out tomorrow! another must watch movie:D

its 12:01am :D heres a really retarded pic of me XD
i am going to bed now goodnight people(:

happy holidays! :D

exams

2011-05-16T04:48:00.000-07:00

so exams started last friday and..... i really dont wanna fail. so far, bm is a pain in the ass. theres like a billion sections that needs to be done in 2 hours and a half. time is so limited =.= paper 1 also the same. which pheg created these formats i really wanna choke you XD but seriously i do. the worst is about to come. bio this weds, accounts, physics, chem, add maths oh my gosh. KEEP CALM AND WATCH JUNIOR MASTERCHEF

shanice wasnt in school for a week and damn, the weather was so good without her there XD just kidding. we missed her alot alot alot(: hmm what else.. i made a twitter acc? XD outdated gila. anyways, me and my sis have been working out yo *flexes flabby muscles* XD in hopes of becoming america's next top model. NAAAHHHH just kidding. just wanna be healthy. and cut some flabs XD. i tend to use alot of "XD" in a sentence. its getting kinda annoying. XD

gotta stop onlining and start serious studying........thats all i ever say but it never happens XD OK NEED TO START MAKING THINGS HAPPEN

Keep your heart in diligence, for it springs out the issues of life.

so...

2011-05-09T05:13:00.000-07:00

SO ITS MAY ALREADY AND I FEEL AS IF IM WASTING MY LIFE AWAY, LITERALLY. HAVENT BEEN LIVING OR APPRECIATING ANYTHING LATELY. VERY VERY SICK OF TRYING AND IM REALLY REALLY TIRED. I DONT SEE NO LIGHT, I GOT NO STRIVE IN ME NO MORE, AND IT SEEMS LIKE ITS NEVER GONNA END. I DONO WHAT TO DO, I GOT NO WHERE TO TURN AND IT SUCKS SO BAD I JUST WANNA BURY MYSELF IN A HOLE OR SLEEP AND NEVER WAKE UP AGAIN. BUT I DO WANNA THANK MY MUM FOR BEING THE BEST MUM EVER AND IM SORRY FOR MY STUBBORNESS AND FOR ALWAYS PROCASTINATING. ALL THE BEST TO MY SIS IN EXAMS AND BUBBIE IS TOO ADORABLE THAT EVEN TUBBY'S SCARED OF HER XD. EXAMS START THIS FRIDAY, I HAVE A GUT FEELING THAT IM GONNA FAIL, BIG TIME. AND YA THATS PROBABLY GONNA BE THE REALITY SOON ENOUGH. SORRY FOR CAPS LOCKING COS I DONO HOW TO WORK THIS THING IN THE PHONE. HMM WHAT ELSE. I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY :/ I MISS YOU

coldplay

2011-04-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

:\

2011-04-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

kinda disappointed to be defeated so easily. this is not me. at all.

2011-04-03T21:26:00.000-07:00

i miss people. i miss connecting with people. i miss being able to appreciate the littlest things in life. i used to love the stars so much. i used to mourn for the littlest things.

i've been hiding from my feelings for quite a while. i refuse to talk about feelings because im afraid of what i feel. all this while, i never really minded about what i feel. whether im sad or angry or whatever, i dont think it really matters. i've learned to block all my feelings. i lost all connections with people i love. friends especially. there were people who i used to be close with, now the connections are all gone. i dont have a clue how it turned out like this. i never meant to hurt people like that. i dont mean to be cold. its like now, feelings dont matter much to me anymore. i cant take anymore of this. i cant continue blocking out all these feelings. i miss people. so much. i miss being able to communicate properly with people. i miss being able to be happy for people. i dont know whats wrong with me. how i became like this. even worst, i dont know how to end all this shit. i dont know what to do, i seriously dont.

im really sorry for being the worst friend ever.

Maroon 5 - Never Gonna Leave This Bed

2011-04-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

You push me

I don't have the strength to

Resist or control you

So take me down, take me down

You hurt me

But do I deserve this?

You make me so nervous

Calm me down, calm me down

Wake you up

In the middle of the night to say

I will never walk away again

I'm never gonna leave this bed

So come here

And never leave this place

Perfection of your face

Slows me down, slows me down

So fall down

I need you to trust me

Go easy, don't rush me

Help me out, why don't you help me out?

Wake you up

In the middle of the night to say

I will never walk away again

I'm never gonna leave this bed

So you say go, it isn't workin'

And I say no, it isn't perfect

So I stay instead

I'm never gonna leave this bed

Take it, take it all, take all that I have

I'd give it all away just to get you back

And fake it, fake it, I'll take what I can get

Knocking so loud, can you hear me yet?

Try to stay awake, but you can't forget

Wake you up

In the middle of the night to say

I will never walk away again

I'm never gonna leave this bed

You say go, it isn't workin'

And I say no, it isn't perfect

So I stay instead

I'm never gonna leave this bed

Take it, take it all, take all that I have

Howie Day - Collide

2011-04-02T04:07:00.000-07:00

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you, yeah

I'm open, you're closed

Where I follow, you'll go

I worry I won't see your face

Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills my mind

I somehow find you and I collide

I'm quiet you know

You make a first impression

I've found I'm scared to know

I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the stars refuse to shine

Out of the back you fall in time

I somehow find you and I collide

Don't stop here

I lost my place

I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes

Even the wrong words seem to rhyme

Out of the doubt that fills your mind

You finally find you and I collide

april here i come

2011-03-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

hello peeps! i havent blogged since forever but no one really reads my crap do they?:P just kidding hehe. i appreciate the people whose interested in my lame life XD thank you so much:)

so.. just a quick update on everything. DC CAMP WAS THE BOMB! i love shittim man. that place is awesome. its located somewhere in tamparuli. obstacle course was challenging and the river rafting was FUN but the thing i missed the most was the muddy slide:P we get to play in mud yo! who wouldn't want that?! its not a slide la actually. theres this steep slope where they put canvas over it, and our mission was to make a human ladder or something to get to the top of that slope. the twist to it was, the canvas was super slippery cos it was wet, PLUS they put sprayed soap water all over it. the bottom was muddy, slimy, brown and cold. stepping into it was weird at first but after spending so much time figuring out how to get to the top, we kinda got used to the sliminess and blended in with the mud :P trekking was fun :D Bravo team was awesome:)

first day- obstacle course, mud slide, kayaking and navigation at night
second day- trekking and river rafting
third day- cleaning, packing and home:)

by the time i reached home, my muscles was aching and my body full of sand fly bites. i literally could fall asleep anywhere if i just closed my eyes. you could imagine how much energy and muscle we used up in the 3 days XD but it was all worth it cos it was AWESOME!!!! i wish everyday was camp. then we could all survive and be cavemen and cavewomen :P screw the city man, lets live in jungles! HAHAHAHA

had tons of fun in the bbq last night :P playing swings, eating sousiges, wrestling with nini, going bezonkers with miss fiona and shereen, witnessed a life saving moment (okeefe rescued a dog in the drain), and just spending time with awesome awesome people:) my green shoes turned brown though im gonna have to wash em XD

lots more to blog about but tomorrows school and i havent bath or study or eat :X
what do you think of my new blogskin? please comment :P thank you very mucheeeeerrrr

i love my mom:P

i can decide to be better

2011-02-15T07:51:00.000-08:00

im stubborn and ignorant but i can decide to be better. i can change. as long as i decide to change, i can. no one can stop me except me. nothing is standing in the way except myself. the only reason im not improving is because of my stubbornness. everything depends on myself. i cant depend on other people to change myself. i can decide. he opened my eyes again and i pray that was the last time i ever treat him like that again. i dont wanna repeat my mistakes. and i dont ever wanna treat him that way again.

anyways, i wanna wish..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

JADLYN MICHELLE JUSTIN and SHEREEN TAY!!!!!!

thank you Jadlyn for everything. since primary 6, you've always been there and you're a great friend:) we had lots of good times and even though we dont see each other everyday, we still manage to keep in touch. you showed me what true friendship is back when we were 12 years old. haha. thank you so much Jad!! love you :)

Shereen Tay. my soul sister:) haha, damn. we've come a long way didnt we. a really long way XD we have been through so much. and not once you left me alone. you were always there. i know we've fight a few times, and there were times where misunderstandings happen, but you never left. you've seen every side of me. my quiet side, crazy side, bitchy side, pathetic side, just every single side. you know me really well. you're a ball of fun. you're special and dont let anyone tell you that you can't achieve your dreams. you're a fighter, a really tough one. AND DAMN RIGHT WE'RE LOUD :P keep rocking and never stop believing in yourself. like you said, gain confidence in yourself:) can wan!!!! be happy, by the end of this year, this resolution will be done:D you've got me okay? you always have. im sorry for being a jerk sometimes with my mood swings and all. and ive done lots of bad things, but the thing i regret the most is being a jerk to you. im not gonna repeat my mistakes anymore. smack me in the head if i do. XD anyways you're 16. big big big girl ady my anak. sigh, makes me and your dad(shanice)wanna cry. HAHAHAHHAHA.OKAY ENOUGH ALREADY ONE MORE THING.

i love you :)

BRUCE ALMIGHTY!

2011-02-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

great

2011-02-01T07:44:00.000-08:00

sometimes i make decisions without using this puny brain of mine

february

2011-01-31T09:14:00.000-08:00

its february already :\ i cant believe one month has passed just like that. hmm sports day was alright.. didn't participate this year, but still ran 4x400 on the second day as our house was short of people. at first i was terrified la budu i didnt even train man. all i know is eat eat eat hehe. but i managed to run finish and i wasnt out of breath. it was so weird.. i guess He was there.

my parents' 22nd anniversary was last saturday. we left early from youth and rushed over to collect the 2 bouquets of flowers at melissa's then rushed to atmosphere as we were freakin late for the dinner. we literally sprinted from the parking lot all the way inside. ate alot plus the whole place was revolving..so dizzy. nini felt like barfing, bunty already had migraine--imagine having migraine and spinning around in circles. we left early from the dinner and went to gaya street :D there were performances and food and drinks, but the best part was the night market XD.

anyway chinese new year hols lasts only a week :( my granparents from sibu are here :D i wanna appreciate every moment spent with them and my family cos when school starts, everything changes. homeworks, stress, tuition, more stress... so HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR :)

giving up

2011-01-21T23:07:00.000-08:00

i give up on myself. i dont believe in me no more. i dont trust myself. i hate myself. alot. alot. alot. ive hurt people all around me. ive been an ass. and ive hurt the person who cares for me the most. somewhere along this path ive lost my heart. i want it back so badly. but no matter how hard i look, i cant find it. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

2011-01-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

i miss the times where everything felt right.

when is it all gonna end. i cant take it no more. being like this, feeling like this. every. day. somewhere along the path, i've lost all excitement. lost my heart. lost my purpose. i wanna get it back. i dont wanna live my life like this. i dont wanna continue without a heart. i wanna look forward to waking up every morning. i used to feel that peace within me. and it was all so peaceful.

i hope shes coping through this feeling as well. we're all in the same situation. i cant figure out why we feel this way. and when its all gonna end. my biggest fear is not being able to do anything about this. stuck in limbo.

messed up

2011-01-13T00:16:00.000-08:00

sigh. here goes another sucky post on my current feelings. im turning into someone i dont even recognize. this is not the chloe i knew once. damn. why am i always all over the place. its coming at me all at once. each and every day i struggle to find my way back. im scared i wont ever find myself. i dont know whats the reason im acting this way. i dont know whether its because of the things that happened before, finally affecting me. or maybe ive always been like this. and this is who i am. and i cant do anything at all to be better. because this is me? or is it just my thoughts.

people hurt. we all do. people cause hurt. people are the victims as well. im so used to hurt that its as if i dont give a damn about anything no more. whether people hurt me or despise the presence of me, i dont really mind.. lately ive been absent. absent as in absent from myself. havent been caring or concern about anything :\ i dont wanna be this way but i dont know whats wrong. i hate this. and i really wanna find myself again. its kinda hard to adjust..from a surrounding like that. i dont love. i didnt know how to. just until last year, we loved. and it feels great to be able to love.. im really scared that i wont be able to change. i wanna change i really do.

PATHETIC

sang ngiuk mian

2011-01-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

todays the first friday since school started! and also the first outing for me and shanice this year HAHA. thought it wasnt gonna happen cos that sapo dint go to school. but in the end we went also. to eat sang ngiuk mian that is XD handed over her christmas present plus the letter which i think was VERY TOUCHING XD i think she cried. hahahaha :P HKL YOU HAHAHHA.

ive been in front of the computer for hours now. i feel so wasted. oh yeah renovated my cityville earlier. SATISFIED! :DDDDD i guess now i know why i was here for hours.. this week in school, i learned that add maths is a pain in the arse and bio is worse than listening to ng kim huat's lectures and mister krishna is the coolest teacher ever :) i considered not taking prinsip akauns cos the book was thick as a dictionary?! until i found out i had no choice because i didnt take chinese.... so :\ lame. i have got to start working my ass of this year, no joke. i still havent let go of my old habits but im working on it. hopefully there will be changes..

currently reading eclipse :D ive read new moon. and the book is wayyyy better than the movie. havent watch eclipse though. planning to watch it right after im done with the book. next, breaking dawn. im actually eager to find out whats gonna happen in the end. i heard they had sex? HAHA vampire + mortal = ?

okay imma go eat and bath now tata

school sigh

2011-01-04T05:55:00.000-08:00

so first day of school was....... an epic fail. woke up late and rush rush rush i didnt even put them shoelaces in my shoes. haha so my sis had to do them while i go eat me breakfast :D class was boring even if it was the first day. i fell asleep just before school ended. hmm. oh ya it started to rain when it was almost time to go back. GREAT. walked in the pouring rain to the bus dripping wet. luckily i wasn't the only one XD yeah thats practically my first day of school :) cant wait for more to come this year ngehe.

my granma is currently staying with us. we brought her to see a specialist today to check on her hearing problem and the giddiness that she had being putting up with for the past 5 months. the doctor was kinda scary. my granma couldn't really hear what he was trying to say... :\ kakak has to work extra to take care of her. but i dont want her to worry cos chloe is here to the rescue yo!!!!! XD and of course my sibs hehe. i just hope grammy will get better..

school again tomorrow. ughhhh

pupununu

2011-01-01T23:22:00.000-08:00

dont go australia or new zealand or singapore or KL just stay put here in KK!!!!!!!!!!!

2011

2011-01-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

so its 2011 already. sigh. ill miss 2010. its a new year and it always makes me wanna cry every year end. looking back at everything that has happened. happy and glad cos our family has gotten really close to each other. glad i can see that ive grown. thankful that i met him. although there were lots of challenges, im sure it has made us stronger. 2010 was definitely the best year for me. definitely a year that has the most changes. a year that taught me alot. and all the way, God has been there. there was never a moment that he wasn't.

this years resolutions are simply simple.
1) continue walking in the way of my Daddy
2) making a change in myself and being a better person
3) appreciate the people around me especially family
4) improve in studies
5) learn how to swim (MUST)
6) be open minded to new things
7) just love.

im really really scared of whats to come :\

christmas!

2010-12-20T03:52:00.000-08:00

HEYYOOOOOOO ITS CHRISTMAS!!!!! well almost XD 5 more days! and tomorrow my cousins are coming over!!!! HELL YEAH. so excited to see them again. i hope they'll stay longer this year hehe. hmmm. christmas party was awesome:) the kids loved the neon puppets! it was chaotic that day but we gave our best and it was good. children christmas party was awesome as well! it was yesterday. we did puppets spontaneously XD so funny man. i havent been down to help out with the kids for a long long time, and yesterday being down there made me realize how much i miss helping out XD anyways, ive done my christmas shopping already. but this time just for a few close friends. up coming event-christmas eve! cant wait!! XD everybody is gonna look their best that night. HAHA i guess i have to too XD arghh dont know what to wear..... HAHAHAH stupid oh why am i thinking about what i should wear. its His birthday!!!!!!! the greatest gift that you can ever have, is His love(: ahhhhhh He has blessed me and my family so much. and this Christmas, i wanna guard my heart, keep living my life for Him, thank Him every single day, and be an obedient child to the most awesomest Father ever XD

im not gonna think about the fact that school is reopening in two weeks. im just gonna live everyday like its christmas XD SPEND YOUR HOLIDAYS WISELY!!!!! before you regret it when school starts XD

anyways,
MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE!!!!!!
enjoy your Christmas :)

guard your heart

2010-12-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

so.. alot has happened since the last time i was here.. kundasang trip, DC sleepover, church, mamutik island.. this year's holidays are actually better than the past few years. haha. i used to stay at home all day rotting and getting wasted. watching tv, eating, sleeping, onlining.... ALL DAY MAN. im so glad this year is different(:

kundasang trip was awesome. i dont know how to describe every single detail about the trip. umm.. 24 of us, 2 vans. on our way there, we were hyper as hell XD. i can remember singing and laughing SO HARD. we were so excited haha. the thing i love about trips are the long rides. that few hours of sitting in the van, even if there are butt cramps included, thats the thing i love the most about trips. hmm. the weather there is extremely cold, especially at night. ice cold man. but seeing everybody cuddling up in their jackets and blankets just makes it so cozy. we bbq-ed lamb chicken sausages beef patties you name it. oh yeah did i mention there were lots of fog? there were times where you cant see anything at all cos of all the fog. we played cards, we snapped photos. not much photos though.

the purpose of this trip was to build fellowship and just sit back and relax. im still that girl who stays in her own world. i dont know how to connect with people sometimes. i may be noisy among my circle of friends, but outside that circle, im just quiet and ignorant. ive been struggling with this problem for quite some time now. im still finding my way. in the process :/ i really wanna be different and make a change in myself. i keep telling myself to change change change. even if i managed to, it doesnt last long. its like i have to purchase this SOMEWHAT POTION over and over again to stay that way. i wanna be stable. strong in character. and not this weak person... and i regret. not building fellowship. i always think back, and try to look back at what has happened, what ive done, what ive accomplished. the more i think, the more i regret. the more i say to myself, "hey you could've said something.. you could've done something". i know theres no use looking back and regretting cos that would just eat you up inside. there is always a new day. a new start. pastor said, if you dont expect anything new, nothing new will happen. we gotta get rid of that spirit of familiarity. we gotta get rid of that voice in our heads thinking that we know better, thinking that we know everything where actually we dont. what pastor said is true. this christmas i really wanna guard my heart. change my lifestyle. it sounds really challenging, and i promise you it will be challenging. change starts within yourself. and it has to start with yourself. or else how are we gonna make a difference? :/

sorry i blabbered just a little too much. ummm. DC sleepover was great! had lots of fun during the games. tsen tsen joined us too (: glad she enjoyed it as well. after the games on the first night, we just laid back and played cards, hang around. laughed ALOT. XD im glad i was able to get that off my chest.. was worrying about it for a few months already i think? and im glad that alls well now. the next day was really exhausting. but really fun(: good exercise hehe. overall, i really enjoyed it. cant wait for next year!

christmas is near. i dont know why but i dont feel that christmas spirit...yet :/
hope everyones enjoying their holidays :)
until then.

i dont know what to do

2010-11-24T02:28:00.000-08:00

holidays are alright. spending alot of time in church lately.

so. alot has happened. and. its really hard.
i dont have a clue what to do...

and i dont know whats going to happen. there are so many possibilities.
"what if"...

so many ways to finish that sentence.

there are so many times where i just wanna break down and cry.
why is that.

dog days are over

2010-11-16T23:29:00.000-08:00

HOLY CRAP GUESS WHAT?!

I ATE CAT FOOD YESTERDAY!!!!

and boy, dont EVER attempt to do what i did.

i only did it cos i lost to a bet.

i had to eat

a spoon of horlicks + honey + one piece of catfood

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

i felt nauseous right after eating every last bit of it. but i didnt barf la cos im hardcore babay!! XD thats how we roll. you want in? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHH

AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

hey gimme some more ideas of crazy stuff to do

might come in handy

the end

2010-11-16T01:33:00.000-08:00

schools almost over. two more days. one actually. registration day and friday. i cant wait to get my phone back. today we found out our classes for next year. bummer. im gonna miss 3rajin. they're a bunch of awesome people. and for sure ill miss her. we're gonna be in different classes. but i hope we'll stay friends til we grow old. next year is gonna be hard, and different. holy crap i feel like crying now. i havent been much of a friend. i am so heartless. lately i feel weird. very weird. i cant describe it. like im not here. as in im not in my own body or something. like sometimes, stuff goes through my mind where it has never even been in my heart. i think things that i dont want to think. as if im telling lies to myself, convincing myself to believe in them. what the hell is wrong with me? dammit. i cant find a way to stop all the thinking. i am my own worst enemy, as they say. i dont wanna be left alone with my thoughts. or one day i might end up in a psych ward. i need help. ugh

how could someone be so cold. how could someone treat a person that way. its inhuman. right now, please stay away.

courage

2010-11-07T06:41:00.000-08:00

didnt make it to youth last night. sort of a last minute change. went to a dinner in sutera instead :D extra ticket so chris asked me to go. and so there were the three of us. reached chris' house and ying said she was sleeping over. so WHY NOT? we havent have any sleepovers since forever man. the dinner was great. nice food, nice performances, funny people. especially Mr. Jack. and the one and only Syafinaz Selamat was invited to perform last night. holy cow she can really sing! seriously. the notes she hits are wayyyy sky high. shes sexy, confident, sporting, a great singer and entertainer. i just love her.

pastor talked about courage this morning. and i dont know whether its a coincidence, but what pastor shared was exactly how i felt and exactly the situation i was going through at that moment. i am a coward. and yes, i walked away just this morning. and im truly sorry. sometimes i tend to runaway from problems. but i have to face it, be courageous. i dont know why i acted that way, i just did. i couldn't speak out. i dont know why. i just denied and stayed still. i tried my best to say something, nothing happened. thats how much of a coward i am. i wanna change though. i really do.

i really wanna thank a few people in my life. they have always been there, always helping me and giving me advice. i dont know what i'd do without them. really, thank you guys so much. you know who you are:)

you are amazing.

finally,

2010-11-05T23:28:00.000-07:00

finally i get to eat my sunday cone! you have no idea how long i've waited to eat that. MUAHAHAHAHA currently nothing else on my cravings list, for now. so, pmr activities are OVER! to tell you the truth, two weeks felt like nothing happened man. we thought it was gonna be two horrifying weeks, bored to death. but it actually turned out well. the first few days were boring, but after the lawatan, it was not bad. skipped school a few times though. the last two days were the best. especially sukaneka. HAHA, so cute man. and the teachers are great. they spend their time and heart preparing for everything. the programs, the games, the prizes. special thanks to my form teacher. she prepared the food and everything, she's been a great sport. best teacher ever :) well, funny things happened on the last day XD hahahaha. truly a hard to get moment. and when we think back to that day, i bet we'd laugh our asses off. and i really thank God for a great teacher like her. she might be strict and scary, but shes really a great person inside. pretty too! lets just say she gave us a second chance. things could have gone worse, if it wasn't for her. so thank you:)

i dont get it how sometimes im such a coward. a total coward. seriously, chloe? how can you be so scared. cant you just speak out. dammit. there's already a question in my mind, wanting to speak out, having the boldness to ask. but i end up not saying a word. i end up regretting. i end up feeling so small. ahhhh so pathetic. i wasn't like this before. i used to be so loud and jolly. i wanna get it back. you know, that feeling you get when everything's right, and nothing goes wrong. and you're able to forget about all the problems, all the numbness. you can put everything behind you and just live in the moment. not thinking about yesterday, or whats gonna come tomorrow.

sigh. i dont know what to think anymore.

today's making stickers day, weeeee. no worship for today though. so, yeah. have a great week:)

after midnight

2010-10-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

so yesterday we performed the opening dance for IPLC. overall it was great! except that i made a few mistakes. haha, damn. was depending too much on thinking than feeling. but managed to smile all the way through :D sermon was great even though i didn't listen to it 100 percent. but i remember pastor saying, not building a church for God, but a church OF God. that we're not suppose to build our church just to please God. cos none of that matters if we love the church more than God. and none of that matters if we have rotten attitude. there is only one way to please God, that is through obedience. we have to have faith and trust Him all the way through :)

anyways, watched Uninvited last night. the story was good overall until the ending. WHAT THE. worst ending ever! why must she be the psycho? dammit. so kasian oh her sister was dead all along. the times where they talked all looked so real. and the part where her sister stayed with her til she fell asleep, i love that part. so sweet, but it was all in her imagination. and the part where her sis got injected, how could that all happen when shes dead? the part i dont get is how she cant even remember killing Matt? and how she cant remember putting rachel into the rubbish dump. i didint regret watching it. but the ending was a bummer. oh well. i dreamed of justin bieber last night WTH. in my dream, he kinda liked me? HAHAHHAHA WTH I DONT EVEN LIKE HIM, well he's alright, nice guy actually. just not one of those number one fans of him.

TOMORROWS ICE CREAM SUNDAY! WEEEEEEEEE ICE CREAM HERE I COME !!

this had me thinking

2010-10-27T01:30:00.000-07:00

maybe its not always about trying to fix something broken. maybe its about starting over and creating something better.

all i need is my bed and a novel

2010-10-27T00:55:00.000-07:00

today we went to a chocolate factory :) it wasn't what we expected. we expected a big factory with lotsa machines spinning chocolates, workers working on the chocolates, each one according to the original--detailed. but it was different. the place was like a chocolate paradise. there weren't any big machines and stuff like that. just a few descriptions on how chocolate was made, chocolate products, chocolate creations. HOLY COW they have durian chocolate! and curry chocolate! TWO OF MY FAV FOOD! BEST COMBINATION EVERRRRRRRR. but of course its costly. i only brought rm10 to make chocolate. hehe and it was worth it :) hope he likes it. im gonna go there one day and buy that chocolate. the chocolate there tasted HEAVENLY. honestly, i think its better than Cadbury choc man. we weren't suppose to eat the chocolate, but the Uncle there gave us a few small pieces. haha, so funny. looking at the mini-chocolate-spinning-machine literally made us swallow our saliva. LITERALLY. chocolate everywhere, but we cant take any for free. sobs so sad. HAHA there was this shelf of chocolates, the one i told you, durian chocolate. i was so excited that they have that! so i took a few pictures of sher and pei holding em'. after taking pictures with the chocolate, i looked up and guess what. there was a notice that said, "NO TAKING PICTURES". HAHAHAHAHAHAH and the worker was standing right next to us looking at us. we just laughed and continued taking a picture of pei pointing to the notice. and the worker even helped us find the right angle to take the pic. HAHAHAHAH SO HILARIOUS. there was this EXTREMELY GORGEOUS che che working there XD holy smokes so pretty oh her. when she smiles, i cant stop staring at her. shes just stunning. after everything ended, we left and went back to school.

sigh i have no idea whats wrong with me lately. sometimes i feel so happy, hyper and really pumped up. i'd be walking around joking and laughing with people. but then sometimes, i stay really quiet. for no specific reason. people sometimes ask whats wrong with me, and all i can say is i dont know. cos i really dont. im not trying to hide anything from them, i just dont have a clue. thats the thing i hate the most about myself. im not stable. i know who i am. i've found myself. but sometimes, i fade away. that affects the people around me and i dont want that. i dont want my friends to think that i dont give a damn about them, which i do. i dont want him to think that im moody or boring. SHEEESH CHLOE GET A GRIP YOU'RE SO PATHETIC. maybe im just thinking too much.

anyways,

HAPPY ONE MONTH BABY!

its a little early. the exact date is this friday.

we got together on the 29th of September

i cant believe so much has happened within one month.

this is just the beginning baby, and i wanna walk with you til the end.

from the inside out

2010-10-22T03:53:00.000-07:00

i wanna get back that fire. i really do. i know somethings wrong with me, cause God has always been there. i just have to look for Him. maybe i didn't look hard enough.

brand new

2010-10-18T01:02:00.000-07:00

this is officially the first post of a brand new start. i erased the past, and i feel great. all that has happened before, they're all gone. i see things differently. im not the person i used to be. God has helped me all the way through. there are so many things that i couldn't have done without Him.

PMR is over. it was actually the first time that i felt i can actually ace this thing. maths was friggin easy. and i managed to finish it for the first time. HOLY SMOKES. thank God it was easy. the other subjects im not so sure, but i did my best and thats all there is to it. i remember the first day of the exam. it stunned me for awhile there as i realize how fast time flies. like, wait, its pmr already? where was i? its like one big family, going through this challenge altogether. everybody was anxious, frightened. i talked to my daddy in the exam room. He was there alright :)

i think i've finally found him. when he says forever, i really do want it to be forever. he's the one that i want to have a future with. the only one who can say that everything's gonna be alright. cause when he says it, all my doubts disappear. suddenly i feel all so secure. all this time, i've treated guys badly. sometimes i take them for granted, and i tend to ignore them. i know im wrong. and being with him now, makes me wanna change. i've learned so many things since i met him. i learned that, when you fight with someone you love, you wanna solve the problem. not make it worse by blaming each other. i learned to appreciate people more, especially him. even though sometimes i go back to my old habits, im trying my best not to. i dont ever wanna lose him or hurt him. all this time i've been so cruel. he woke me up. but i do have to make some changes with myself. i wanna be more loving, caring, and understanding. i wanna break free from this chain. this chain that held us in, and hid us. there are so many things that i have yet to learn.

so anyways,
this is a fresh start. and i'll try to post stuff here every once in a while.